After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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