Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
