After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
