Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
