i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
