Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
