Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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