You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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