yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I supernannyed him into submission
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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