Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
lol hangovers are for mortals.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
