i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
