you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
there is glitter all over my balls
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
