I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
