how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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