I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
