I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Two words: nipple clamps
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