I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
