dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
