I intend to get homeless drunk
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
