Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
