Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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