fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
birth control should be required to get into college
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
