I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
