sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
