I think im going to throw up on grandma
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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