I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
