my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
