Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
