Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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