I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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