If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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