Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
a search helicopter?!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
