he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
