If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
