sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
