i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
