and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
