I think I am morally bankrupt
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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