In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
