Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
