so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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