he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
