She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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