did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
