He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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