never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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