Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
