soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She even gives head with a lisp.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
