I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
