I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
