so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
