I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
