Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
