I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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