We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
