That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
