The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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