she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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