My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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