Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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