Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
