I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
