these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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