how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
