Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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