so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
