But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
