He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
