i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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