saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize